


Who You Are

by eternal_moon



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Amber Foley (mentioned), Bryce Walker (mentioned) - Freeform, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Family Feels, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jessica Davis (mentioned) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 18:08:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16045799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternal_moon/pseuds/eternal_moon
Summary: Takes place during 2x13. What does Justin do when he and the Jensens get home from Hannah's memorial?





	Who You Are

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfiction! English isn't my first language, sorry if this has a lot of grammar mistakes.  
> I always love reading fics about Justin & The Jensens and I wanted to write my own. Hope you enjoy it!

Justin leaned against the door and didn’t say anything. He just kind of waited until Mr. and Mrs. Jensen would notice him. Mr. Jensen was sitting on one of the chairs and was reading the newspaper. Mrs. Jensen was doing something at the kitchen counter and had her back turned towards him. 

They had just arrived home from Hannah’s memorial. The place where Clay had asked him if he’d like to be adopted. At first, when Clay asked him about it, he thought he had heard it wrong. Justin really didn’t get it; why the hell would they want to adopt him? Why would anyone want to adopt him? 

“Oh, hey kid.” Mr. Jensen looked up from his newspaper and put his reading glasses on his head. Mrs. Jensen turned around to look at Justin.

“I… I just wanted to say thank you for wanting to adopt me. That’s really…”

He searched for the right word to say. He couldn’t really come up with something. Before making it more awkward than it already was, he ended his sentence with “…nice.” 

Mr. and Mrs. Jensen looked expectantly at the boy in the doorway. Justin didn’t really know what to do. He then realized that he hadn’t even told them that he did want to be adopted. He had only greeted Mr. Jensen when he arrived at the memorial and not talked to him after that. He hadn’t spoken to Mrs. Jensen after she had left Clay and him at the table to discuss some ‘things’, like she had put it. During the ride home, they talked about how beautiful the memorial was and what they were going to eat for dinner. They didn’t ask if he wanted to be adopted or not. To be honest, Justin had kind of forgotten it too. He was thinking about his probation, the dance they were going to tomorrow, and yes, even six months after their breakup; Jessica. 

Now they were home he was reminded of how good this family was to him. They gave him food, clothes, a phone, a place to sleep, did everything to get him out of juvie and now they offered to adopt him. He was used to getting stuff from other people. Bryce and his friends had always bought him everything he needed. But all that time he needed something that they couldn’t buy him; a loving and caring family. These people, who barely know him, want to give him that. They had seen so many bad sides of him: what he did the night of Jessica’s party, the drugs, running away with most of the stuff they gave him, getting into fights. Yet, they were going to give him what he has always dreamed of.

“I mean, I… I would like to be adopted.” He found himself sounding a little hesitant, even though he was sure that he did want them to adopt him. To make sure they wouldn’t question it, he added: “I really do.”

Wide smiles appeared on both Mr. and Mrs. Jensen’s faces. Mr. Jensen laid the newspaper aside, stood up from his chair and came over to Justin. He patted Justin’s back, looked him in the eyes and said:

“I’m so happy to hear that, pal! We’d absolutely love you to become part of the family.”

Mr. Jensen’s words sounded genuine. Justin was a little insecure about if Mr. Jensen really wanted to adopt him and not just because Mrs. Jensen wanted it or only because he felt bad for the boy. It had really hurt Justin when Mr. Jensen wanted to call the social services on him after they found out about the drugs. Mr. Jensen had said, more like yelled actually, that the family wouldn’t be destroyed by drugs or for any other parents’ kid. At that moment, Justin had truly believed that he was destroying their family, and that Mr. Jensen hated him for it. Mrs. Jensen, on the other side, had treated Justin as her own child from the moment she found out about him. From giving him clothes and a phone, to inviting him to watch movies together, to caring about him being safe and searching for his mom for weeks so he could be bailed out of juvie. She had shown that she truly cares about him and, even though he didn’t really understand why, he believed that she really wants him to become her son. But Mr. Jensen… Did he mean it? Is he happy that Justin will become part of the family? 

The look in Mr. Jensen’s eyes convinced Justin: he means it. He does want Justin to become family. He does want to him to become their son. Justin wouldn’t be some other parents’ kid anymore, he would be their kid.  
Justin noticed that Mrs. Jensen had also come stand next to them. The same smile was still on her face. She gave him a short hug and held her hand on his arm after that.

“Great! I think it might be the best if you sleep in Clay’s room, we just need to replace a few things so we will have place for another bed there. If it doesn’t work; there’s another room we barely use that we can turn into a…”

She talked fast, it almost seemed like she had expected that this would happen for months. She had thought of everything; where Justin would sleep, when Justin would meet her extended family, everything they could do together as a family of four and about much more.  
Mrs. Jensen kept talking about everything she had thought out already. Justin just smiled; half listening, half thinking about lucky he was, to have these people around him. His whole world would change, in a good way this time.

* * *

A little later he was sitting on Clay’s bed, reading one of Clay’s many Alien Killer Robot comic books. He actually really likes them. He wasn’t the kind of person to like this kind of stuff. Well, he used to be the kind of person who wouldn’t like this kind of stuff. Even worse, he used to be the kind of person who’d make fun of anyone who read these kinds of comics. He used to be the person who’d think that he was above everyone that wasn’t an athlete. Far above people like Clay. A guy he’d now look up to. He relied on Clay, he saw Clay as some kind of leader, a person he would be loyal to. 

Previously it was Bryce who he was loyal to, the person he could – correction; he thought he could trust. Bryce had always been there for him, from the moment they met. Bryce stood up for him, even though Justin was a brat towards every kid there. Justin was a little aggressive as a kid. He would call other kids swear words all the time; words he shouldn’t have known at his age. He picked fights all the time. 

Why he did that? They bullied him. All the fights and swearing were a reaction to the bullying of the other kids. They made fun of him for often wearing the same clothes, for smelling, for not bringing lunch with him, for often having bruises, for not coming to school trips and probably for a lot more. 

The truth was, he was used to people swearing at home. His mom and her boyfriends would do it all the time. He automatically started doing it too, not long after he learned talking. 

Most of the time he wore the same clothes because he barely had clothes. They didn’t have money for that, just like they didn’t have money to pay for the school trips or for anything else. They barely washed clothes or showered because water costs money, and they tried to spare as much money as they could. 

Most of the time he couldn’t take lunch to school, because then they wouldn’t have enough food for dinner. If they even had food for dinner. And for the bruises… He didn’t want to think about that. 

Bryce had bought him everything: food, clothes, stuff for school. He even got his dad to bail his mother out of jail when she was arrested for possession. If Bryce hadn’t done that, Justin might’ve been put in foster care. Now he thought about it, it might’ve been better if he was put in foster care. He would have to go to another school and never see his mom or his friends again, but maybe a nice family would’ve taken care of him, and he’d grow up to be a lot less fucked up than he was now. 

But on the other side, he had heard a lot of bad things about foster care. Kids get tossed around between families, a lot of families only do it for the money and those kids are often screwed when they turn 18. Besides, even if had gone to a nice family, would it still be better? What if everything would only get worse for his mom if he wasn’t there? What if one of her boyfriends he had always defended her from, would have heavily injured her, or worse; killed her? What if she’d been so upset that she lost custody over him, that she would do something to herself? 

He remembered the conversation they had, a day before he left the house to run away for the second time. She told him that she had missed him. Yet, he left her alone. Again. Probably forever this time. 

“Honey, you can run as far as you want, you’ll never get away from who you are!”

When she said that, he saw it as a failed attempt at getting him to stay. He hadn’t taken it seriously. But the more he thought about it, he realized that she had a point. He will never escape from who he is. He thought he would be fine and just stay clean, forget his past, be a good son to his soon-to-be parents and just a good person in general. He thought it would be easy.

In juvie, it was very easy to get drugs. It was full of teenagers with drug problems there, and there were always a few people who were able to smuggle drugs in. He managed to stay clean for like a week, but then gave in. He shot up some heroin almost every day. It made it easier to go through his time in juvie. He said yes to getting adopted, but didn’t tell the Jensens about his relapse. Even when Clay told him why he was fine with a fucked up person like Justin getting adopted after being hesitant about it first, he mentioned one of the reasons was him being clean. Justin should’ve been honest. He should’ve told Clay that he wasn’t clean anymore, but he just couldn’t. He was afraid of what his and his parents’ reaction would be. The last time he found out that Justin had been using heroin again, the family got into a huge fight. He wouldn’t want to be responsible for that again, even if they told him a thousand times that it wasn’t his fault. 

“…you’ll never get away from who you are.” 

His mother was right. He was still an ungrateful, shitty person who was still addicted to heroin. Who still did fucked up things. Who couldn’t stop thinking about all the good times he had with Bryce, instead of thinking about his future with all these good people around him who are there for him now. Who left his own mother alone with her abusive boyfriend. Who had promised her that he would stay, but broke that promise within a day. Who left his mother after she had told him she needed him. Who took thousands of dollars from Meth Seth, and left, like, 5 dollars for his mom. 

Suddenly he heard footsteps approach the room. Justin looked up from the comic book he was reading (well, he wasn’t really reading it anymore, it was more like staring at the pages). Clay was standing in the doorway.

“So, it turns out the sushi place doesn't in fact deliver, so my dad and I are gonna pick it up. You wanna come?”

Justin thought for a second, but then realized he could do some other ‘stuff’ while Clay was gone.

“No, uh, I’m good here. These are kind of addictive.” Justin slightly smiled at Clay. Clay chuckled.

“Yeah, right?” He then got a more concerning look on his face. 

“You okay? You seem weird.” Justin didn’t want bother Clay with all his thoughts on things that happened in his life. He wasn’t even ready to tell some of the things, and he doesn’t think he ever will be ready.

“I think, maybe, I’m happy.”

He did want to mean it. He wished he did. It just still didn’t feel right. He was supposed to be happy. He had everything he could ever wish for; a real family, real friends, a home, a lot of help and support from the people around him. Why wasn’t he happy? Why did he keep thinking about why his life sucked so far instead of thinking about all the good things he had and would get now.

Clay shrugged his shoulders. “Oh. Cool.”

It was the same reaction Clay had when Justin said that he wanted to be adopted. ‘Cool’. It seemed to be the thing he said when he didn’t really know how to react to something. It might’ve sounded a little uninterested, but Justin knew what Clay meant. He knew Clay meant it in a good way. He did care about Justin getting adopted and being happy. Another reason why he should be happy. Clay, who had already started to feel like a brother to him. Someone who is a much better brother and friend than Bryce. Someone he could trust.

Justin smiled as he went back to ‘reading’ the Alien Killer Zombie comic. Clay threw one last look at him and left the room.  
Justin started feeling extremely guilty for what he was about to do next. He didn’t want it, but he just had to. He felt shitty because of everything he had done and because of everything that had happened. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. He had to get high. He had wanted to get high all day. He needed to. 

He laid the comic book aside, stood up from the bed and walked towards the door. He carefully closed and locked the door, hoping nobody could hear it from downstairs. He shoved his gym bag from under Clay’s bed towards himself. In juvie, Justin had been worried that one of the Jensens would go through his bag. Luckily that didn’t seem to be the case. Everything was in the same place as he left it, and Clay hadn’t mentioned that they found his stuff. Maybe he just didn’t think about mentioning it today, but that’s unlikely. If Clay had found the needles, he would’ve been furious and definitely already said something about it.

He zipped his bag open. He had hidden his needles in an old, gray shirt of his that he had taken with him when he first ran away. He got the shirt out and laid it on the bed. The needles and heroin were still there. 

He decided to inject the heroin between his toes. Some kid in juvie had told him that it was the perfect place to inject when you didn’t want anyone to find out. Nobody would look there. Nobody would ever notice any track marks. He brought the needle towards his toes, but stopped when he saw someone sitting across him. On the couch, where he had spent most of his time detoxing from the heroin, was a little brown-haired boy. The boy didn’t say, or do, anything. He just stared at his older version. That little boy had now ruined people’s lives. That little boy had now just gotten out of juvie and got six months probation. That little boy lost everything he had, and that little boy was now a heroin addict, a few inches away from ruining his life even more.

Justin stared back at the little boy, who looked disappointed in his 17-year-old version. 17-year-old him could’ve been so much. He could’ve been a better person, with a better life. A person who hadn’t fallen apart. But of course he had to ruin everything for himself and for others. He had failed himself. 

Justin proceeded to inject the needle, filled with heroin, between his toes. He slowly mainlined the liquid into his body.  
He looked away for a few seconds, realizing what he was doing.  
Not only to himself, but to everyone who loved and cared about him. 

Although he didn’t know if those people would still be left, if they ever found out.

**Author's Note:**

> A few days ago, after I had finished this story, I read horatiofrog's fanfiction 'The Meaning of Brotherhood' and realized that part of my fic was similar to his/her fanfiction. So I wanted to mention that I had no intention of copying it or stealing his/her idea. It's an amazing fanfic, if you love Clay & Justin brother/friendship stories you should definitely read it.
> 
> I know this isn't perfect, and I really want to improve my writing. I'm kinda worried that it includes too much thinking and not enough conversation, and that that makes it boring. Do you guys have any tips for me?
> 
> Also, I made a Justin video with the song 'Sober', you can check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6D89wekkiW0  
> Sorry for the shameless self-promotion haha


End file.
